It's hard to believe its been four years since I completed treatment. Thanksgiving four years ago was my first real family gathering and had a lot of trouble eating. I lost 15 lbs sitting in a hospital bed and the only food I could really get down was ensure (yeah, the older people supplement) and cream of wheat. Radiation destroyed my throat, nothing was easy to get down. Fast forward to 2012, a new year and definitely no problem eating!
But in all seriousness I wasn't able to walk faster than 40 min miles and had a 200+ heart rate. I would even sit for breaks on the little walks around the block. I went through rounds and rounds of tests just to realize that the chemotherapy was distroying my heart and lungs. Always interesting how that works out; die from one, or lose major body organs as a result of the other.
It's been a long road back. I needed to surround myself with positive people and take my time. I began working out again and was finally able to start pushing myself to that next step. I changed my eating habits and enjoyed the chase of good health. I went from 40 minute miles to putting myself back on a swim block this weekend. A small victory for sure!
These last few months my swim team has been on me to race. It's not that I didn't want to, but I wasn't sure what my body was going to do. That saying of "your mind will break long before you body will" is the exact opposite saying to me and my life. My mind is strong, my body is telling me what it can/cannot do. I decided to take a chance and sign up for a 3 day championship swim meet - hey, if you're going to do it, go all the way! I swam for the three weeks prior (maybe a dozen or so workouts). Not a lot of training, but I have been walking the dogs a lot, so I knew how much I needed to swim to feel the water. By no means was my endurance in the right spot. I arrive at the meet and all the emotions hit me. More so in my gut. It felt great. I felt alive! I stood on the blocks for my first race...first one in 11 years...my favorite event..the 100 free! I was out like a rocket. Felt amazing for 80 meters and oh my goodness, did it hurt! No matter what my body was telling me, I wasn't going to lose...but it sure wasn't pretty! (well, more so that it wasn't pretty for anyone who has watched me swim in the past)
The entire experience really tested my body. A few times I wondered if I was pushing it too hard. I'm tired, I'm happy, I am proud that I was able to race again, so I will take it at that.
I have my next CT/PET scan this month. This is another huge milestone in my recovery, the 4 year cancer screen. Knowing how strong I am feeling makes these scans less and less stressful. BUT 5 will be the huge celebration, where should we go???
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