Earthquake!!

Today was absolutely insane. If you have never felt an earthquake, it's really hard to describe. I think the last time I checked, it was a 5.4, pretty big - felt from LA to San Diego across to Vegas! It was about 11:45 am and I was trying to lay down for an afternoon nap. Brent and Lara decided to take a little time this morning to go kayaking, so they weren't home. I was resting when I thought one of my neighbors was being rude by slamming their garage. I sat there for a second and realized the vase next to my bed was hopping and all the pictures on the walls were rocking. It took me about 10 seconds to register what was actually going on. I ran out of the room and looked into the living room...it looked like we had a house boat. The entire apartment was moving in a wave and everything was continuing to shake - completely unreal. Everyone was safe, no one that I know of got hurt, just a crazy experience!

On the medical side - I was at the hospital for about 2 hours yesterday. I had a CT scan and a PFT done. It was pretty uneventful - I did get poked in both my arms though, the nurse had trouble finding my veins, lucky me! As of right now, all I know is that my lungs are still clear (no tumors). The PFT results were not ready for my doctor. I did ask the technician for a printout of the results (trying to be pro-active), but didn't get me far. I will call them tomorrow to see what is going on and to hopefully prevent this from getting much worse. My energy level has been a little higher this round, which has been fantastic. Just trying to enjoy feeling slightly normal.....

Breathing

All weekend I was having trouble breathing. I am fine with short breaths, but when I try to breath in deep, it feels like someone is sitting on my chest. Half the time, it would also result in me coughing. Having excellent lungs my entire life, this wasn't feeling comfortable and sent up red flags. I had been told if I ever had trouble breathing, I needed to let them know ASAP. Luckily Dr. Chen was the on call doctor yesterday, so I was able to talk to him. One of the Chemo drugs I am on affects my lungs, so they are scheduling a prompt PFT (Pulmonary Function Test) today. I am awaiting the call back from the DR saying I am pre-approved and then I will head over to the hospital. I am really not sure what the results will mean??
I will keep you posted.

Chemo # 6

Another treatment down. So far, this round has gone slightly better then the last round. Even though the nurses felt the shortening of treatment #5 wouldn't have a major effect, treatment #6 took about 45 min longer and I feel better....make your own assessment. I think it made a difference.
I did a good job of resting when I got home yesterday. I wanted to make sure I was rested when Lara arrived. I did have a really hard time sleeping last night, even after taking Benadryl. I woke up about 3:30 am and didn't fall back to sleep until about 8 am. I waited for the sun to rise, so I could read a book and just laid there staring at walls. Not sure what was keeping me up - there was nothing specific on my mind?? So, I am looking forward to a nice nap :) This could have put me at half way in treatment, YEAH!

Day to Day

So I have Chemo # 6 tomorrow morning, the good thing is I never really felt great this round - so I won't fear losing that, ha. I definitely turned a mental corner this week. I had been thinking: How many more? When am I done? When can I have fun with all my friends again? When can I travel?
I knew I was strong, but it's hard when the world keeps going and I am at a standstill. I came to realize that this is a one time deal for me. If it takes me 16 treatments, then I want 17 or 18. I want to make sure this stuff never comes back! If I have to stop my life, I have to stop my life. There is a plan for me and I just haven't seen it in it's entirety just yet. Everything happens for a reason, right? The hardest things in life we are handed are just to make us stronger and this by far, is the hardest thing I have come across.

I will have some company again this weekend, Lara is flying in. This will be the first time she will see me right after chemo, so we plan on watching a lot of movies. It will be great to see her again - always full of energy and smiles!

Blinders

What I have realized these last few days is that 90 % of our population walks around with blinders on. People cut you off in traffic, not caring if you have to slam on your breaks. Then I watch people cut in lines, walk into you in crowds.....it's time for people to open their eyes and realize they are not the center of this world. There are other people here, look around! What set me off was at Angels Stadium this weekend. How could people not notice a bald girl, walking slow - obviously having a hard time walking? They kept cutting me off, stepping in front of me, walking into me and so on. I am completely guilty of this as well, pre-cancer. Please, if you notice yourself doing this, take a deep breath and look around! Life is too short to run around with blinders on....

Okay, back to me :) The game went alright. I enjoyed being there, but it was really hard. I tried hard not to let the people around me make me frustrated. It was more getting to my seats. Brent carried me on his back for a portion of our walk - if I go again, I have to have a wheel chair. Once I got to my seat, I was able to cheer along with the entire stadium - "Lets go Red Sox!" I almost forgot I was in Cali and not Boston. I attached a photo of where we were sitting, it was perfect. We had plenty of space and were in the shade. Too bad the Sox didn't have a good game. The picture definitely makes it look like we can't see the game, but I assure you, we could!

Jon and Monica were here all weekend, we had a nice time just laying around, reading, and watching movies. Matt and Alex were able to come up on Sunday - it's always great to have the family around.

This round hasn't gotten too much better, in terms of how I am feeling. Still really tired and having trouble eating. My counts are good, I've been taking them every other day, so I guess that is the trick for me. One round at a time, one day at a time.

This round...

It's been a few days since my last post....sorry about that. This round has taken a lot more out of me. I have my analysis of why I am dead this round - I think my treatment was a lot shorter. That makes sense, doesn't it? If I get the same amount of drugs in my system, in a shorter period of time, it can only affect how I feel. I had my treatment in 30-45min faster then normal. It should have triggered a reaction from me when they nurse was like, it's going really fast, but you should be okay?!? Oh well. It's the reality of this round - just have to deal.

My shots arrived on time! YEAH! PrecisionRX is proving they can do things right. I decided to keep my shots spread out a little this round, because my counts were perfect last round. I took one on Saturday, one Monday and one today. Brent and I found a way to make them less painful, so that's been a great relief. I will take the next two tomorrow and Friday. Overall, I am much more tired and fatigued then "normal" chemo cycles. I am having a really hard time sleeping and eating this time. The first few days, I was unable to leave my bed...but have now been able to move back to the couch. I have a measurement of how I am doing, the stairs to my oncologist. There are about 25 steps (haven't actually counted). At first, I was able to take them 2-3 at a time, run up them. Today, it took me about 5 minutes and couldn't breathe at the top. I am determined to not take the elevator! It is also just a slight reality check each time I go in. Each day I am feeling a little better and I am doing my best to remind myself that feeling like garbage is VERY good thing. It means the cancer cells are being killed and chemo is working. If I felt good, then we'd have a problem!

One of our athletes, Eric Shanteau was just diagnosed with testicular cancer. He was told the week before Olympic Trials and he proceed to kick ass at trials and earn his spot on the US Olympic team! He is being highly monitored and has decided to wait for any treatment/surgery until after the games. Please keep him in your thoughts as well.

Friday morning, Jon and Monica are coming to visit. It will be great to see them. Dad got us all tickets to the Red Sox vs Angels game on Saturday. Not sure how that will go, but I am going to try my best to go! Handicap section, here we come.....

Chemo # 5

I wanted to start off by saying Happy Birthday to Alex (my sister-in-law). Have a great time tonight and we will celebrate like rock stars next year!!

I was definitely out of it most of the day yesterday, wasn't able to write...sorry about being a day late with the update....
Brent was able to sit with me again, he kept an eye on my IV bags the entire time. I finished my treatment in about 3 hours. I wasn't feeling so good before treatment, I am not sure if was more anxiety and nerves vs just plain not feeling well. I dread these days. It's like as soon as I start to feel better, can take walks or bring myself to the store by myself, it's Friday and time to start all over again. My co-worker Laura came over Thursday night, cooked me dinner and just hung out. She filled me in on all the office news :) Was great to have someone else to talk to. She wanted to know if I was tired and ready for bed - all I could say is I have nothing to look forward to tomorrow, so I like these days to last as long as possible. It's not that I don't understand that I need the chemo, I know it's working...I just hate the feelings that surround it. The great thing was that I got my new blackberry. I was able to sit and answer emails during treatment. I told a few coaches where I was, I think I freaked them out a little ;0 What was great was that I didn't have to sit on my computer when I got home, to catch up with the day!

When I got home, I was more beat then I ever had been. Felt like a train ran over me. I have a small window when I get home where I can force food in me - then it all hits. So I ate a little bagel and Gatorade...then was out for a while. I found a nice home in my bed for a few hours before I was ready to come out. My brother keeps reminding me that I feel like this because the drugs are working - so I just keep reminding that every time I feel bad. I started to feel more hungry as the day went one, I was able to eat a small bin of blueberries and had another bagel with some peanut butter. I picked as a small bit of chicken as well - wanted to make sure I got as much protein in as possible. I had a weird pain down the side of my neck when I got home. It was on the right side, ear to collar bone. (this is the opposite side from my tumors). Of course I kept poking around to make sure I didn't feel any bumps - even if my CT scan didn't show it. The sad part was that it was sore to the touch, so I wasn't helping the situation. I decided to knock myself out with Benedryl and get as much sleep as possible - the drugs would help with my neck, the body itches, and sleeping.

I slept for about 11 hours and feel much different today. I would be lying if I said I felt good. My body is really weak, but the overall crappiness has gone down a lot. I just keep reading books - they help distract me. I am going to try to keep a constant flow of food and drink today - especially when it takes me over an hour to finish a mini bagel.

Brent gave me a shot a little bit ago. I have one more before I need the new shipment. Hopefully they have them here by Monday or it may be a repeat of the last treatment - but we won't plan on that. I will give them the benefit of the doubt that it was a one-time mess up. They need to prove themselves now!

Scan update

So the news wasn't dramatically different from what I heard yesterday. The tumors are getting smaller in my neck, but they can't tell much with my chest. The tumors in my chest were the larger ones. I am going to get the CD from my first test today, hopefully, and get it over to the hospital. After they compare the first test to the second, Dr. Chen will get me those results -usually takes about a week. Regardless of those results, I am still proceeding with treatments. I will be going through with cycles 3 and 4 (each cycle is 2 treatments)...so having chemo a minimum of 4 more times, most likely going 6 cycles.

I think I misheard Dr. Chen at my initial diagnosis when he said I was going 6 - 8 cycles. I heard that as 6 - 8 treatments. 6-8 cycles means 12-16 treatments. OUCH! I won't sit here and lie, was a tough blow. I know that even being told I had to do treatment again this Friday was going to be hard to hear. I have completed 2 cycles, 4 treatments, only 1/3rd of my target (hopefully). It's just the beginning really....

I am in the process of scheduling another PET scan. That is one of the original tests I took that shows the tumor activity. It takes an hour or so, get to drink a cup of contrast - YUM! I will have that test the first full week of August. So I get the CT scan after every 2 cycles and the PET after every 4 cycles.

Yes, I am sad about it, a little discouraged. But at the same time, now I know. I need to be mentally prepared for 8 more treatments. I can't control how long it is going to take to get well, I can only control the here and now. I guess in my warped, bubble reality, I was going to be able to jet away to Jamaica next month. I just wanted to take some time for myself and enjoy life post-treatment. Now I am looking forward to Thanksgiving hoping that will be a celebration of being Cancer free for the first time...

Pre-Scan News

I have been feeling pretty strong these past few days. I realized that I am very energetic when I sit in one place. As soon as I start moving around, it really wears me out. I tried going into the office a little today - kinda feels like a truck ran over me. So staying on my couch is most likely the best plan for now.

I just got a call from Jennifer (my Oncologists assistant). I am going to have to get a CD made from my first scan to get it compared to my second scan. They want the most accurate assessment of what is going on. From what she was able to tell me, I still have tumors (bummer)..but will get a more detailed analysis tomorrow and most likely even more when the results are compared side to side.

I have my meeting with Dr. Chen tomorrow to go over my results.
More to come tomorrow....

4th of July

I had my body scan on Thursday - pretty uneventful except for the nurse who decided putting my IV on the inside of my forearm was a great idea?!? I was literally yelling at her how bad it hurt, and she just kept digging. Karma will get her later! I will get those results on Wednesday of next week. My shot finally arrived on Thursday as well, actually UPS came while we were at the hospital. So I missed the shipment. I pleaded with the UPS people to come back (otherwise I wasn't going to get the shipment until Monday). So the UPS man came back - seriously, does that ever happen?? So finally I am set until my next chemo session. Other then that, I am feeling pretty good. Been tired, but been eating well and managing my energy well too. I keep escaping for naps and been reading a lot of books, so it's helping to make me rest.

We had some great visitors Thursday as well, Tim and Kydani! I coached them both at UConn and Tim now lives out here in LA. We had them over for dinner :)

After we watched trials on TV, Tim and Kydani took off and Brent and I headed down to Matt and Alex's. It's always great to get out of the house! We have been doing a lot of eating and me a lot of sleeping. Of course, I make the entire house watch trials too....doesn't get much better than that for me right now.

Here are a few pictures we took during the weekend so far. Enjoy -