This weekend has been pretty slow. To be honest, I haven't been feeling well. I have been really weak, having trouble getting food in....the usually stuff. I know I have one more chemo treatment left, which I am so excited about, but I still have to take this disease one day at a time. I can't get ahead of myself dreaming about the vacations I will be on or what adventure I want to go on next. It will be baby steps to recovery. Seriously, I haven't left my apartment since my treatment on Tuesday, so forget running away on a camping trip...how about being able to take a walk every day.... or being able to take a shower standing up every day, that would be a great start (yes, you read that right, I have to sit in the tub and shower, because I get really light headed). To be honest, I think talking about those kinds of things are just discouraging me. Believe me it's not a matter of WANT, it's that I physically CAN'T, yet. I just start getting excited about the idea of being 'normal Erin' again and then practically faint trying to make my lunch. I get snapped right back into reality very quickly.
Every time I get excited about maybe doing things again, Brent reminds me that I will have to take it slow. Sometimes it's easier for him to see where I am really at. I know I am a strong person and will most likely hurt myself trying to throw myself back into things again....it's a good thing he's holding me back!
I know Cancer has changed me. It has changed how I look at life and what is important. I don't know why this happened to me and I won't kill myself trying to figure that out. I know it will come to me, in it's on time.
No comments:
Post a Comment