Hardest Day Yet....

All day yesterday, I was pulling hair off my shirt, off my blanket - I always shed...but this was different. I knew deep down inside what was happening, but I was doing my best to stay positive and to not let the negative idea come into my head. When I woke up this morning and my pillow was covered in hair....reality set it.

I think the hardest part is that I feel okay. I have hard days/times, yes...but I don't feel or look sick. I am tired and feel like I managed myself very well in this last treatment. I kept myself very hydrated, even drank a water bottle during chemo, paid attention to what I was feeling, took my migraine meds, anti-neaseau meds, Benadryl for the itchy palms....basically I was one step ahead of everything and never allowed anything to get out of hand. I ate real meals yesterday (especailyl because Matt and Dad kept putting it in front of me) I was definitely in a haze, but felt 'good' considering. With losing my hair, other people will also know I am sick. I hate that look - Awe, she's sick, or she has cancer. I know people tried to prepare me for this, but there is no way you can be prepared for something like this and few people truely understand what I mean.

Matt and Alex are on their way up from San Diego and Dad is here, he's been a great help. They will be here with me when I make the decision about my hair. Do I hold onto the hair as long as possible, slowly watching it all go or be in control of when it goes?
If you know me at all, you know the answer to that question.........